Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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