did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
