and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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