Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
