Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
