Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
