I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
