I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
