Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
