If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize