Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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