thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
