respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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