when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
