Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
