Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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