It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
