I'm going to jail i love you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We had sex on a dog bed..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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