tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
