If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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