her vagine was all disorganized.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
