I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't deserve a penis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
