I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
