I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
