There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
