I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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