I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
