cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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