Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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