you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize