i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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