No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize