As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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