I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
