im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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