I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
