I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
