o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
