i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
