He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize