Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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