dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
