I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
