I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
