You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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