the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
