dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
there is glitter all over my balls
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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