I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Green mimosas i think yes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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