I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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