Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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