Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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