It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
