absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize