just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
