I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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