Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize