She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
