My friends, they love my intelligence
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
