i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I believe in your delicious
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
