Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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