When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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