I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I touched a dick in church today
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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