Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
