lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
