News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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