I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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