Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
