hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
