i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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