I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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