I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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