My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
