I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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