He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
