it was like eating out sand paper
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I love you. Go after that dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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