Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This baby is an asshole
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
