you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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