Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
