that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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