Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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