Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
