any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
