well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
