It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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