it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
