you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
