I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize