I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
smell my finger.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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