Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
