im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
