and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have aggressive nipples.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
