Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
