Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
