arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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