Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
