Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
