my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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